5 things not to say to a grieving friend

It's almost impossible to know what to say to someone experiencing grief. People often want to provide comfort but are unsure how to achieve it. This has become evident after the passing of a spouse of 23 years, following a battle with stage IV pancreatic cancer. Observing friends and neighbors struggle with finding the right words highlights how even well-intentioned remarks can be challenging.

While responses to grief vary, some insights shared among others in mourning can be helpful. Surprisingly, everyday questions like "How are you?" or "How can I help?" can be difficult to address. For instance, neighbors’ simple gestures, like leaving meals without asking, can be far more comforting than direct assistance offers. Similarly, comments such as "I can't imagine what you're going through" or "This is so unfair" might unintentionally isolate the grieving individual.

Instead of isolating statements, sharing personal memories or feelings can offer genuine connection and support. Moreover, grieving individuals might find it essential to manage their emotions on their own terms, without feeling the need to comfort others who might visit them.

Delivering heartfelt letters, emails, or texts can be particularly touching, as grieving individuals can process these messages on their own time. A thoughtful gesture, such as a box for storing condolence cards, can also provide a place for reflection and remembrance. Sometimes the simplest acknowledgment of not knowing what to say can be surprisingly comforting.